'.the starry heavens above me

    I reached a point in my life where it's all up to me. Where each step I take can lead to something so great , so wonderfully ; but also catastrophically bad.  How so for the present the same for my whole future.
    My dreams and my hopes for the future are so close, yet they are so far away. Like Kant´s " starry heavens ". Everything is filled with possibilities. So many open doors around me, so many options. I can just reach out to one and I´m there. It's simple. But it's not. So many chances for success, equally many for failure. One wrong step and everything will go wrong. Where will I be then? Where is my "starry heaven" then?  Where is my life, the one I have been dreaming of? To which I looked forward and hoped to?  I am eighteen  years old, I can do so much, but I can't carry the burden of those possibilities. It's been always decided for me. Almost always. And now out of nowhere "no one cares", it's all up to me.  Each star or group of stars is surrounded by a void, which I cannot cross, I cannot bypass it even. I don't know what to think of it. It gives me time to think. To be sure of my choices. I get the opportunity to not go down the wrong road. For that which I choose, to be what I really want. What my heart wants. But I don't see it like that. My mind does not let me. Because those are voids, nothingness. One wrong move, one wrong step and that's that. I´m gone. Everything is gone. Everything I ever wanted, everything that I had dreamed of can be gone in a blink of an eye.
Wherever I turn something new comes my way. Whenever I blink a new star comes to shine. A new opportunity for life.  New possibilities and new opportunities all together. But around it there is also a new void. More room for mistakes. Mistakes which I cannot allow myself to make. No one will make them right for me. No one will or can fix it. What I do is what I do. No one else. It's all up to me.
    To make my life wonderfully, the best life there is….Or to mess it up. To slip and let it all disappear right before my eyes.
And I can't do that . I can't bare that pressure, that burden. That at the age of eighteen it can all be lost.  
Before it even began.